Sexy Chocolate

Doing this blog has taught me a lot. Corporate America knows no shame. This commercial for Premium M&M's is just simply... absurd. Why in the world are M&M's being sexy!? They should not be spending their time trying to be sexy, they need to be spending their time being delicious. That is after all, what they are for. But no, new kind of M&M requires a new form of advertising. No longer the funny yellow and red M&M's of days past but now Ms. Green has to come in and just ruin everything. With the sexy voice describing all the things that go into this new M&M I couldn't help but stop and think. "It's just a freaking M&M!" How can you really spend 30 seconds describing it!? What happened to, just saying something about candy coated chocolate, melts in your mouth not in your hand. That was always good and plenty! Now you have to talk about infusing something with something else to make these new "premium" M&M's. I don't want to eat anything that is infused with something. Or at least I don't want to be informed that that's taking place. Dear God even the bags they come in are sexy! So sleek and stylish what in the world is going on!? Sure sex sells, but does it sell M&M's?


No. No no no. Please tell me she, er well THAT did not just do that. Pole dancing M&M's. Why!?! I mean I understand why but who took this on as a good idea? Are they trying to swindle young men into buying more M&M's? She has the classic boots, the walk, puckered lips, a sexy voice and a confidence that would make most men crumble, and don't forgot, her insides are chocolate! Now I thought that was bad enough that I would have to deconstruct an M&M but then I saw this video.



For the love of all things sane, please tell me that he did not just carry out an interview with an animated M&M. He did didn't he. Bordering, no wait, well beyond creepy this interview was one of many that the Ms. Green had. In an attempt to promote the new green M&M as the "new pink" for valentine's day Ms. Green went through several interviews with male news anchors of whom all ogle over her and how sexy she is, this Fox news anchor even goes so far as to do his best Austin Powers impression for some insanely creepy reason. I guess what I am just trying to say is that sex really does sell, and the basic ideologies of what is "sexy" can be simplified down to even make an M&M sexy. With the right voice, boots, legs and chocolaty insides just about anything can turned from an inanimate object into a sex image or object. I still can't believe she what she did to that pole.

"THEY CALL ME LOYALTY!"

You have got to be kidding me. This song comes on at every single movie I go see. I have always hated it. And at the end when Dale Jr. comes on the screen and tells you the song is free and how you can download it at Yahoo.com I always reply to him, "It damn well better be free Dale, I'm not paying real money for that garbage." Recently however I realized something about the song. It has a lot of underlying stereotypes and ideologies. And they are rather absurdly blunt now that I think about it. First off, Kid Rock is a rap slash rock slash country singer even being from Detroit he is a very common associate with southern folk and all those confederate flag wavers, especially after his song, "Cowboy" came out. Now tie Kid Rock to NASCAR no less and you have a mega super southern tie. Throw in Dale Earnhardt Jr. as appealing to a southern crowd as grits and okra. But did they stop there? Of course not, tie in hardcore American patriotism and service to your country and what do you have? Warrior. Albeit a semi good message about the National Guard and how they are "American Warriors" and indeed they are in a sense just that. However the scene where Dale Jr. downshifts and essentially kills two other drivers, or at least causes them to crash into each other and burst into flames, does not seem really pertinent to anything at all. It is clear that they are trying to paint Dale Jr. as an American warrior as well, yet driving a car in circles with National Guard painted on the side hardly gives you the right to be considered such. I guess what I am getting at is that this video is basically a commercial for the National Guard and almost directly calls on southern Americans. It isn't demanding they join the National Guard, but it surely does try to plant the seed in their head that hey, join the National Guard and you will get to drive race cars, shoot stuff, play with fire, meet Kid Rock and all the while serve my almighty America as I "breathe red white and blue." The targeted demographic here is clear, southern young males. Between the show of massive vehicles on land and in air, the hardcore rock concert and thrilling race scenes it doesn't leave much doubt at all. But to be perfectly honest, is Kid Rock the so called, American Badass, Rock n' Roll Jesus, Early Morning Stoned Pimp and Devil Without a Cause really all that good of a representative for American "loyalty" or patriotism? Not that there is anything wrong with supporting your troops here in America, just please ignore their targeted hegemonic ideological supporting propaganda. And what in the hell does "they call me loyalty" even mean!?! You don't even make sense Kid Rock.

Oh for goodness' sake!

Oh don't you just love the sweet smell of Christmas spirit! What's that? You don't believe in God? Well then no Christmas for you! Oh, wait, you live in America don't you? Ah well then lucky for you we have commodified and idealized Christmas so much that it does not even matter if you believe in God as long as you buy lots and lots of presents and maybe a pine tree for your living room. I bring up the American ideology of commodified X-mas because of the stir created by the bus seen here. The American Humanists Association sprung a cold hard 40k to start up this bus ad campaign in Washington D.C. I myself think it is an excellent ad and defines what America truly should be. Tolerant. We have no problem with the loads of Jesus this and Jesus that billboards along with church marquees threatening passersby with eternal hell if they don't come in and pray their little hearts out. So why is it that we accept these ideologies that churches push but yet strike out against non believers and their ever so counterhegmonic ways? It is said that 92% of people believe in God. That is why. The common ideology in America is to believe in a God, regardless of which religion that is as long as you believe in God you are part of the mainstream ideology. When big bad Bill O'reilly caught a whiff of this sign he took his best shots at an AHA representative on his show but in my opinion only made himself look like an extremely idiotic intolerant imbecile. All in all the sign speaks for itself, it is counterhegmonic to our culture and pushes and ideology much like the recent film Religiolous questioning the authority and possible existence of God. But why do we have to be so up in arms about this ad campaign? Doesn't it really spread an excellent message? Don't be good just out of fear of God's "wrath" instead be good because, well, by golly it's just a good thing to do. Hopefully popular culture absorbs this counterhegemonic artifact soon, that way maybe; just maybe, America will learn to be a little more tolerant to counterhegemonic ideologies.

When purses ruled the world...

Well, if you are anything like me, you are probably sitting there saying to yourself, "What in the hell just happened." Reasonable response to that video I would say. I was in St. Louis with a friend the other day and this commercial came on the television in our room. We spent essentially the entire 2 minutes trying to guess what exactly it was even advertising. I at first claimed it to be for Discover card while my friend insisted it was for some sort of car. Neither of us had seen the commercial before obviously and of course neither of us were right. 2 minutes of nostalgic rustic peaceful music with a montage of travels, cultures and experience, a bricolage of life if you will, all for what? A 500 dollar purse. To tie the idea that finding ones self and figuring out where life will take you to a purse is in no way whatsoever absurd to me. Moreover, it is American. Ridiculously American at that. It is becoming such a normalized narrative to be "inspired" by a commercial that really only encourages stocking up on more material possessions. Whether it be Nike, Visa or Louis Vuitton we are constantly encouraged to tie all these consumer products to the importance of our lives. If you can't pick up on how unbelievably absurd this commercial is then odds are, you own a 500 dollar purse, and you considered buying it, a journey.

Californiacation

Californiacation, urban dictionary defines it as, the process whereby the subject or object is enveloped in a California-esqe hold, whereby everyone is young, perfect but most of all plastic and fake. Obviously not a real word but it might as well be. Sometimes called California syndrome it is overall an obsession with California and all that derives from it, or so we are told. The strong desire created around and about California is seen and heard in many ways. Can you think of any songs about California? Now looking at that list would you say its safe to assume California is a big deal? As true as it may be that famous people reside in California, it doesn't mean that ever last dreamer that drops his or her life to head out west is going to make it big. Yet we keep doing it. Because the media keeps feeding us these ideoligies that anyone can make it big in California. American Idol a prime example of giving even William Hung a shot at fame. The problem however lies in the changes people make to become rich and famous. Move to California, change your name, your face and your thoughts just to make a break into the limelight. We all know how fake the whole crowd really is, showing how glamorous they are through possessions and the fetishizations they supply. You want to be a pimp slash gangster slash rapper like the ones in California? Buy an Escalade, put a sound system in it, loud as possible preferably, some 20 inch rims, with diamonds if possible and a tiny television in the tail pipe and tadah! You're broke. BUT! You now have everything you need to show how amazing you are! And if you can afford all of that then you obviously must be something special right? California and Hollywood in specific send out the ideologies of not only what is "in" but what is perfect. The discussion could go on for days but I don't have that sort of time, so why not end it with one picture that I feel really does a good job of summing it all up. Paris Hilton, dipped in gold, naked, crawling in the desert. Paris being a big figurehecad for Californiacation, with no real talent or accomplishments to speak of she is well known for her "perfect" body, rich life styles, hence the gold. She has really done nothing but screw up her entire life yet we still hold her up as some sort of amazing person with the help of fetishization, as she posseses all those things we asymilate with wealth, power and such. It just goes to show, yes, California may be mostly desert, but HEY! There are naked rich girls dipped in gold crawling around everywhere, so why don't you just head on over?

Cereal Killers

Tony the Tiger use to be a black and white scrawny, singing, silly cat. As it turns out, "back in the day" has turned into today and tomorrow and skinny mini Tony just does not cut it. Nowadays you will see Tony pumping iron and destroying young children as miscellaneous sports. Call it a self-esteem problem, or an overactive ego, but either way you slice it, Tony the Tiger is full of himself. This doesn't really bother me, however the messages in his commercials seem to raise interest.





Well that's interesting. Frosted Flakes make you better at riding a horse? Not so much the point in horse riding however the underlying point is made in ALL the commercials from the 70's up to the 90's for Frosted Flakes. The scenario plays out like such, Tony and a child are just hanging out minding their own business, 2 older and exceptionally rude punks approach and insult the child and occasionally the tiger in relation to some physical activity. Tony replies with something related to Frosted Flakes and the punks retort sarcastically with, "Oh yeah right, that would be good! HA!" At which point of course Tony and the child exclaim, "Good? Their GRRREAT!" Then they eat their frosted flakes and proceed to dominate the competition at whatever sport they partake in as they are then admired by the punks. Way to go Tony, shove that ideology of "winning is everything" right down our children's throats! And with the help of Frosted Flakes you will be a winner and no doubt accepted by all that you wish to be accepted by. This ideology instill the idea of competition into a lot of things our children do, even things that don't necessarily need to be competitive.



Oh well now that is just grrreat Tony, not only have you already buffed up by about a thousand times instilling another ideology on young boys that being big and strong is the way to be, because everyone loves Tony, and if they could they would be you, at least that is what the song says, but you flood another ideology of quick fixes. Don't practice and train hard to get better just ingest something that gives you an immediate result. Well now Tony has "Supercharged" frost flakes making you even bigger, stronger and ferocious. Watching Tony hulk out in his roid rage is all fine and dandy yet it seems to push the idea that now being muscular isn't enough, now you have to be insanely lightning attractingly humongous. And with the help of Frosted Flakes you can in fact do so. Enforcing the ideology and creating the desire for the cereal all in one fell swoop.

Spongemonkeys In America

Perhaps by now you have forgotten, but roughly four years ago we Americans were introduced to a very special... creature. The spongemonkey. These singing, floating, silly hat wearing dilapidated fuzz balls sparked enormous amounts of water cooler conversations. Oddly enough at the same time, they were actually selling subs. Quiznos subs no less. Obviously these rodent like guitar playing googely eyed chaps represented nothing that could sanely be related to the franchise, yet they were still given their own 15 minutes of fame and produced adequate advertising for Quiznos. Oddly enough, these spongemonkeys existed prior to their American commodification on national television. In January 2003 the creatures were created by Joel Veitch in Britain for a short video seen below.



As you can see that video makes no sense. It relates to nothing, it sells nothing, it more or less absorbs brain cells that could have been spent more wisely. Now simply change the background and the words with the same exact guitar riff and silly animals and what do you have?



I never thought I'd live to see the day when America would comodify a spongemonkey. Possibly a form of reification being that the spongemonkey was not originally intended for a Quizno's commercial let alone any form of American television. Somehow, someway, an American food chain managed to commodify a british fictional creature to help sales, and amazingly enough it worked. Because love them or hate them, you can't help but talk about them.