Sexy Chocolate

Doing this blog has taught me a lot. Corporate America knows no shame. This commercial for Premium M&M's is just simply... absurd. Why in the world are M&M's being sexy!? They should not be spending their time trying to be sexy, they need to be spending their time being delicious. That is after all, what they are for. But no, new kind of M&M requires a new form of advertising. No longer the funny yellow and red M&M's of days past but now Ms. Green has to come in and just ruin everything. With the sexy voice describing all the things that go into this new M&M I couldn't help but stop and think. "It's just a freaking M&M!" How can you really spend 30 seconds describing it!? What happened to, just saying something about candy coated chocolate, melts in your mouth not in your hand. That was always good and plenty! Now you have to talk about infusing something with something else to make these new "premium" M&M's. I don't want to eat anything that is infused with something. Or at least I don't want to be informed that that's taking place. Dear God even the bags they come in are sexy! So sleek and stylish what in the world is going on!? Sure sex sells, but does it sell M&M's?


No. No no no. Please tell me she, er well THAT did not just do that. Pole dancing M&M's. Why!?! I mean I understand why but who took this on as a good idea? Are they trying to swindle young men into buying more M&M's? She has the classic boots, the walk, puckered lips, a sexy voice and a confidence that would make most men crumble, and don't forgot, her insides are chocolate! Now I thought that was bad enough that I would have to deconstruct an M&M but then I saw this video.



For the love of all things sane, please tell me that he did not just carry out an interview with an animated M&M. He did didn't he. Bordering, no wait, well beyond creepy this interview was one of many that the Ms. Green had. In an attempt to promote the new green M&M as the "new pink" for valentine's day Ms. Green went through several interviews with male news anchors of whom all ogle over her and how sexy she is, this Fox news anchor even goes so far as to do his best Austin Powers impression for some insanely creepy reason. I guess what I am just trying to say is that sex really does sell, and the basic ideologies of what is "sexy" can be simplified down to even make an M&M sexy. With the right voice, boots, legs and chocolaty insides just about anything can turned from an inanimate object into a sex image or object. I still can't believe she what she did to that pole.

"THEY CALL ME LOYALTY!"

You have got to be kidding me. This song comes on at every single movie I go see. I have always hated it. And at the end when Dale Jr. comes on the screen and tells you the song is free and how you can download it at Yahoo.com I always reply to him, "It damn well better be free Dale, I'm not paying real money for that garbage." Recently however I realized something about the song. It has a lot of underlying stereotypes and ideologies. And they are rather absurdly blunt now that I think about it. First off, Kid Rock is a rap slash rock slash country singer even being from Detroit he is a very common associate with southern folk and all those confederate flag wavers, especially after his song, "Cowboy" came out. Now tie Kid Rock to NASCAR no less and you have a mega super southern tie. Throw in Dale Earnhardt Jr. as appealing to a southern crowd as grits and okra. But did they stop there? Of course not, tie in hardcore American patriotism and service to your country and what do you have? Warrior. Albeit a semi good message about the National Guard and how they are "American Warriors" and indeed they are in a sense just that. However the scene where Dale Jr. downshifts and essentially kills two other drivers, or at least causes them to crash into each other and burst into flames, does not seem really pertinent to anything at all. It is clear that they are trying to paint Dale Jr. as an American warrior as well, yet driving a car in circles with National Guard painted on the side hardly gives you the right to be considered such. I guess what I am getting at is that this video is basically a commercial for the National Guard and almost directly calls on southern Americans. It isn't demanding they join the National Guard, but it surely does try to plant the seed in their head that hey, join the National Guard and you will get to drive race cars, shoot stuff, play with fire, meet Kid Rock and all the while serve my almighty America as I "breathe red white and blue." The targeted demographic here is clear, southern young males. Between the show of massive vehicles on land and in air, the hardcore rock concert and thrilling race scenes it doesn't leave much doubt at all. But to be perfectly honest, is Kid Rock the so called, American Badass, Rock n' Roll Jesus, Early Morning Stoned Pimp and Devil Without a Cause really all that good of a representative for American "loyalty" or patriotism? Not that there is anything wrong with supporting your troops here in America, just please ignore their targeted hegemonic ideological supporting propaganda. And what in the hell does "they call me loyalty" even mean!?! You don't even make sense Kid Rock.

Oh for goodness' sake!

Oh don't you just love the sweet smell of Christmas spirit! What's that? You don't believe in God? Well then no Christmas for you! Oh, wait, you live in America don't you? Ah well then lucky for you we have commodified and idealized Christmas so much that it does not even matter if you believe in God as long as you buy lots and lots of presents and maybe a pine tree for your living room. I bring up the American ideology of commodified X-mas because of the stir created by the bus seen here. The American Humanists Association sprung a cold hard 40k to start up this bus ad campaign in Washington D.C. I myself think it is an excellent ad and defines what America truly should be. Tolerant. We have no problem with the loads of Jesus this and Jesus that billboards along with church marquees threatening passersby with eternal hell if they don't come in and pray their little hearts out. So why is it that we accept these ideologies that churches push but yet strike out against non believers and their ever so counterhegmonic ways? It is said that 92% of people believe in God. That is why. The common ideology in America is to believe in a God, regardless of which religion that is as long as you believe in God you are part of the mainstream ideology. When big bad Bill O'reilly caught a whiff of this sign he took his best shots at an AHA representative on his show but in my opinion only made himself look like an extremely idiotic intolerant imbecile. All in all the sign speaks for itself, it is counterhegmonic to our culture and pushes and ideology much like the recent film Religiolous questioning the authority and possible existence of God. But why do we have to be so up in arms about this ad campaign? Doesn't it really spread an excellent message? Don't be good just out of fear of God's "wrath" instead be good because, well, by golly it's just a good thing to do. Hopefully popular culture absorbs this counterhegemonic artifact soon, that way maybe; just maybe, America will learn to be a little more tolerant to counterhegemonic ideologies.

When purses ruled the world...

Well, if you are anything like me, you are probably sitting there saying to yourself, "What in the hell just happened." Reasonable response to that video I would say. I was in St. Louis with a friend the other day and this commercial came on the television in our room. We spent essentially the entire 2 minutes trying to guess what exactly it was even advertising. I at first claimed it to be for Discover card while my friend insisted it was for some sort of car. Neither of us had seen the commercial before obviously and of course neither of us were right. 2 minutes of nostalgic rustic peaceful music with a montage of travels, cultures and experience, a bricolage of life if you will, all for what? A 500 dollar purse. To tie the idea that finding ones self and figuring out where life will take you to a purse is in no way whatsoever absurd to me. Moreover, it is American. Ridiculously American at that. It is becoming such a normalized narrative to be "inspired" by a commercial that really only encourages stocking up on more material possessions. Whether it be Nike, Visa or Louis Vuitton we are constantly encouraged to tie all these consumer products to the importance of our lives. If you can't pick up on how unbelievably absurd this commercial is then odds are, you own a 500 dollar purse, and you considered buying it, a journey.